Well I am off again. Back from Bali just about a month ago and I am en route to Aspen for a quick two-day site-visit for the 2012 Summit, which will take place next June. And with two weddings and a bridal shower in June – let’s just say I didn’t have much time to wind down – let alone get back into a routine. The gym misses me.

But idleness is a sneaky thing – something that I might akin to a margarita. Both seem well and good, but indulge too much, and it suddenly doesn’t seem so wonderful anymore.

I think I have a problem being idle, sitting, resting, doing nothing. Memorial Day weekend (after returning from Bali with food poisoning) I had the perfect opportunity and excuse to do absolutely nothing. Sleep, rest, relax. Yet, I called my parents myriad times a day (especially in the early morning) and complained about not being able to come home or that I had nothing to do. I called for take out or would head back to bed and sleep for hours just to do something. It wasn’t nearly as calming as I originally expected.

But is this really being idle? Or is idle what I want to be? Often times, when I find myself in these ambivalent situations, I am alone – and I am finding more and more that I really attest to being that way. Although I admit that there are times when there is nothing better than coming back to the peace and quiet of an apartment that is yours and yours alone… but I can think of ten words that I’d like to be rather than idle: content, peaceful, complacent – well maybe just three for now.

I had a goal this summer, to write 60 pages of something for next semester – something that might turn into my thesis. But gosh, I am struggling. Even writing on my blog seems hard-boiled – my sentences feel forced and so does my subject. And I am frustrated because I find myself wanting to talk about idleness, feeling like a stranger in my own city, tequila (yes, I tried that) but I wind up feeling a bit lost, and playing it a bit too wishy-washy… generating more questions than answers.

PS: Word of the Day is:
adjective 1a: devoid of sentimentality : tough
b: of, relating to, or being a detective story featuring a tough unsentimental protagonist and a matter-of-fact attitude towards violence
2: hardheaded, practical